Renewing My Mind
Sometimes I fall. Before I know it, my mind and body feel bruised by the negative self-talk that has captured my thoughts. I begin to wonder if I’m good enough. I start to question if anything I’m doing really matters. Why did God make me so sensitive? Why don’t I fit in? Sometimes I catch myself early on in my self-loathing but other times I waste a whole day in the dumps just wanting to be alone in my misery. Then I remember.
Breaking old thought patterns and belief systems takes effort, practice and time. And I have learned that it’s okay to fall. I revert to the original question. Am I good enough? I consider the question itself and determine I can’t measure my value by what others think of me or even by what I think of myself – people’s opinions will always change. I have to answer the question with how God sees me. I know His word stands. I’m uniquely and wonderfully made in His image and I have value.
As I soak in the words “unique” and “wonderfully made,” the negativity fades. I unfold my body from the fetal position, get up, and start again. I begin slowly with a thankful spirit. My body is tired from the emotional beating. Maybe I thank God for my next breath. Maybe it’s a prayer, giving my day back over to Him.
I used to have many days like this. Not anymore. I count my blessings more. I watch my stress and make sure I get enough sleep. And I eat well-balanced meals. Most importantly, I focus my attention on bringing my mind in line with what I know to be true – I am enough.